Love Lost – Profound Grief. Another Family Member Has Passed

Where Does It All End?

Love lost profound grief. Another family member has passed. Four months ago my father passed away and two nights ago my brother-in-law died.

I am devastated and reeling. I can’t seem to eat and my stomach is all mess up. I have no energy and I keep crying.

David was super interesting character in my life. He laughed constantly and was astute and tough. David was completely attached and devoted to his wife and loved his three daughters profoundly.

Their Story

I met David when my sister started dating him. I thought he was fun and I really liked him and I was 17, my sister was 19 and he was 21. I didn’t notice anything super special about him, but then I wasn’t looking either.

He was in the bathtub taking a bath when he proposed to my sister. She was sitting on the toilet seat with the lid down just visiting with him. Now I’m not advocating sex before marriage, I’m just telling you the story because it’s clear they were intimate. We were at my sister’s one-bedroom apartment, and I was in the living room watching TV.

My sister comes rushing in, and exclaiming “he proposed! We’re getting married!”

Um…what? I don’t recall how long they’d been dating, but it was somewhere around 4 months. I personally thought she was crazy and that this was a decision fraught with peril and ultimate divorce…if they got married at all.

I Was Wrong

Over the years I grew to love this man more and more for his devotion to my sister and his family. He would also jump in to help me anytime I needed it, especially following my own divorce and being a single mom and I was single for 15 years.

David started a small business and it failed. It was devastating for the whole family, but he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and took on a partner. They had plenty of business, but they weren’t taking care of the billing, filings, paperwork, stuff like that. They set the business up in such a way that it would run itself. Needless to say, the business prospered beyond their wildest dreams and the company grew.

Who was he really?

It was easy to see how this business would prosper because of David and his wonderful personality. He loved people and he loved life. He was ornery and caring. David loved to visit for hours on end and was a fabulous conversationalist. You could tell he really cared about you when you visited because he listened intently and asked intelligent and profound questions.

They were Perfect For Each Other

My sister also loved people and enjoyed planning events and entertaining which was perfect because David loved parties and events. They both loved to travel and especially enjoyed the mountains and 4 wheeling on very rough terrain near Crested Butte, Colorado. As their wealth grew, so did their toys and it wasn’t long before they owned a massive, expensive, luxury RV and traveled all over the country.

Profound Grief – Tragedy Struck

As they were spending a month in south Florida on the beach with friends, my sister kept feeling sick every time she ate. She dealt with it for a week or two until she told David she really thought that something was wrong. They came home and went immediately for tests.

It was confirmed. She had a rare form of cancer and was terminal. She fought it, and kept telling me she was going to beat it, but in less than 6 months she was gone from us.

With three beautiful grown daughters and a few grandkids, the family was a total wreck and so was I. It took years for them to really start functioning, but they have never been the same.

That was almost 9 years ago to the day when we lost David.

Profound Grief Must Be Lived Through

I am weary. I am so darned exhausted and completely devastated. I do not know how to get through this one. If you look at my history, you would almost think I’d become jaded to death, but instead it drives me deep into devastation where I feel and get not just emotionally sick, I get physically ill. [For those of you who have not read my story, read it here: About Me-My I Can Story.}

So how do I get through this? Well we all have our ways of dealing, but for me I have learned that you must lean into and feel. Feel everything you are feeling and more. Cry and cry and cry until you feel like you can’t cry anymore, and just be.

I allow myself time to grieve and work through all of my emotions and then I start the healing process.

The Healing Process to Overcome Profound Grief

This starts with my Bible. I read it each and every day without fail. It is my life’s blood and it is my healer. I read stories of others’ grief and how they dealt with it and I read stories of Jesus’ healing gift of redemption and I begin to bring light into my darkness in this way.

Because of all the loss in my life, I have begun to succumb to grief from time to time just to feel and move on. I have a room in my home that has turned into a sort of memorial to my loved ones. You can read more about this here: Memories that Haunt Me – Moving from Tears to Smiles.

This room is a sanctuary where I can go and remember those that I love and have lost. It helps so much.

You see, we have to continue to love forever those that we loved when they were alive. This reminds us that we are alive and that life is for the living.

Hear the Message

I love listening to others such as Dr. Robert Jeffress and his book Choosing the Extraordinary Life. They remind me of what life can be and how I should be living my life and for whom.

Your spiritual peace will come to you when you fortify and transform your life.

This death a massive loss and I have not recovered yet, but I’m taking my own advice and working through this profound grief.

“The days keep coming without fail” music by Tim McGraw

I love you brother. Rest in peace my loved one.

Jesus wept.
John 11:35

he will swallow up death forever.  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from  all the earth.  The Lord has spoken.
Isaiah 25:8

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

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