When You Feel Too Insecure to Lead (Even in Your Own Life)

Becoming Who God Says I Am – August Series: Walk in Confidence

There is one thing that impacts your life.
It is a simple thing.
So simple, in fact, that most people overlook it.

But it impacts your life in a very profound way.

It’s the how you lead.

Before you scroll away thinking, “Oh, that’s not me—I’m not a leader,” pause for a moment. Because you may not realize it, but leadership shows up in your life every single day.

Most of us think of leadership in one of three ways:

1. The Boss. The person at the top—the CEO, the visionary, the one making the “big calls.”
   
2. The Middle Manager. The ones in between—team leaders, supervisors, teachers, parents—people who balance responsibility while following someone else’s lead.
   
3. The Everyday Leader. This one is often missed. It’s the person quietly steering her own life—choosing how she spends her time, what she says yes or no to, and how she sets the tone for her relationships.
   

The truth is, even if you’re not #1 or #2, you are always #3. You’re leading your own life—whether you realize it or not. And how you lead yourself determines everything: your peace, your confidence, your relationships, and your future. This becomes especially true when you are too insecure to lead.

Here’s the problem: too often, we lead ourselves poorly. Not because we’re lazy, but because insecurity whispers, “What if I get it wrong?” And instead of deciding, we freeze.

That indecision becomes its own kind of leadership—one that leaves us stuck, resentful, and restless.

But here’s the hope: when you finally decide the kind of leader you want to be—even in the little things—you begin to walk in confidence.

Pride, Insecurity, and the Fear of Leading

Proverbs 16:19 says: “Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.”

When we hear the word “pride,” most of us think of arrogance—being puffed up, posting selfies for attention, or bragging about our wins. But pride wears another face: fear of making a wrong move.

Think about it. Pride says:

• “I won’t decide because I don’t want to look stupid.”
  
• “If I say no, she’ll be upset with me.”
  
• “If I take the lead, what if I fail?”
  

That’s not humility—it’s pride disguised as insecurity. Because pride still makes the focus all about you: your image, your fear of failure, your desire to avoid looking weak.

And that fear paralyzes. It keeps us from stepping into the bold, confident life God is calling us to live.

Christian Women and Confidence – Tiny Moments of Everyday Leadership

Leadership isn’t just about boardrooms or platforms—it’s the everyday moments that reveal who we are. Let’s look at three everyday stories.

1. Luna and the Bowling Alley

Luna’s husband loves bowling. So when Friday night rolls around, he invites her out with friends. The truth? Luna hates bowling. She’s awful at it, feels embarrassed, and dreads the experience. But instead of saying so, she goes along. She smiles politely while frustration builds inside.

That night could have gone differently if she’d led with honesty: “Bowling isn’t my thing, but I’d love to go along and cheer for you, then maybe we could do something else next time.” Then make specific plans for the next time that is more your thing. That’s leadership in love—choosing authenticity instead of silent resentment.

2. Sophie and the Living Room Walls

Sophie wants to repaint her living room. She tapes swatches on the wall, scrolling Pinterest for days. Weeks pass. Every time she walks through the room, she sighs. Her indecision is exhausting—not just for her, but for her husband, who finally blurts out, “Just pick something already!”

What Sophie doesn’t realize is that even in her silence, she’s leading the atmosphere of her home. Her indecision creates tension. But when she chooses a color—any color—peace returns. And here’s a bonus: making decisions is freeing and joyful!

3. Jenna and Her Sundays

Jenna longs for a restful, meaningful Sunday. But instead of planning, she spends hours scrolling Netflix, paralyzed by indecision. By evening, she feels drained and guilty instead of refreshed. Here she has just wasted this whole day on nothingness.

What if she had led her day with purpose? Something as simple as: “I’ll read in the morning and take a walk this afternoon.” That tiny act of self-leadership would have transformed her day from restless to renewing.

Each of these moments may feel small, but they shape our lives. When you learn to lead yourself, even in little things, you grow stronger to lead in bigger things.

Jesus on Confidence and Leading

Jesus modeled leadership with absolute clarity and courage.

• “I am the way and the truth and the life.” (John 14:6)
  
• “Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘No,’ no.” (Matthew 5:37)
  
• “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27)
  

He never wavered about His identity or His calling. His confidence wasn’t arrogance—it was rooted in truth. And that same truth is available to us because of who we are in Him.

Titus 3:7 reminds us: “…so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.”

You are God’s heir. That means you’re not stuck stumbling in insecurity. No. You are invited to walk in authority, boldness, and peace.

Christian Women and Confidence and Why Deciding Matters

Here’s the hard truth: not deciding is still a decision.

• It’s a decision to let fear guide you.
  
• It’s a decision to let others control your path.
  
• It’s a decision to silence your God-given voice.
  

When you make a decision—even a small one—you are practicing confidence. You’re declaring, “I know who I am in Christ, and I will move forward.”

People around you feel more secure when they know where you stand. Your yes means yes. Your no means no. That’s leadership.

The One Thing That Changes Everything

So here it is—the one thing so simple, it often goes unnoticed:

🌟Decide what kind of leader you want to be.

Not next week. Not when you “feel ready.” Today.

Will you be a leader who avoids choices out of fear?
Or will you be a leader who walks in confidence, knowing her decisions are grounded in Christ?

When you choose, you break the cycle of insecurity. You step into boldness. And you begin to live the confident, intentional life God designed for you.

Christian Women and Confidence Reflection Questions

1. Where in my life have I been avoiding leadership through indecision?
   
2. What’s one small decision I can make today to practice confidence?
   
3. How can I keep my eyes on Jesus as I lead myself and others?
   

Too Insecure to Lead: A Final Word

Leadership isn’t reserved for CEOs, pastors, or influencers. It’s for you—the woman deciding what to do with her day, how to set the tone in her home, and how to live out her faith.

You don’t need a title to lead. You need courage to decide.

So ask yourself: Who do I want to be?

And then—decide.

Christian women and Confidence: Discover more from the series “Becoming Who God Says You Are” and see this popular post here Stop Playing Small: God Didn’t Create You to Hide – 10 Super Simple Ways to Gain Quick Confidence and visit What If Confidence Isn’t a Personality Trait – But a Spiritual Discipline? to get your free 10-day Guide to Confidence.