Keeping It Real
5 ways to encourage positive self talk and love. Keeping it real is the best way to find your inner strength and happiness.
When I was very young, I was self confident, outspoken and a force to be reckoned with. As I grew and got into my 20’s somewhere along the lines all of that changed. For some reason I was no longer confident of myself and got to used to beating myself up with thoughts that everyone else knew way more than I did.
I was always asking others for advice, and taking it even though they were not me, and they didn’t know who I really was on the inside. You see, I was a master at negative self talk and acting like I had it altogether even though I had no idea what the heck I was doing — or so I though anyway.
That was my own negative self-talk and boy was I ever wrong and doing damage to myself.
Positive Self Talk
But somewhere along the way I bumped into my own true self.
I started to remember how I used to react to situations when I was very young. To this day, I am not sure I can tell you the exact moment and what happened or why things began to change.
Maybe it was because I got out of a couple of horrible relationships and realized I could never be as bad as they were, or maybe it was the successful career I had begun to build for myself. Or maybe it was just because I got a little older and started figuring things out, but whatever it was I started to take a hard look at myself and knew that I wanted to be better, stronger, and more self confident.
Paying Attention to Positive People
I started paying attention to positive, self confident people wishing I could be more like them. This was really very hard, but I took a true and real hard look at myself. I figured out that there was a lot of great things in my life including many friends and an increasing amount of responsibility at work.
Let me tell you, boss’s do not give more responsibility to idiots, so guess what? Well I knew I wasn’t an idiot nor was I stupid in any stretch of my imagination, so if others thought well of me then why didn’t I?
I paid closer attention to those who exuded self confidence and began to emulate them. I could see they knew what they were doing and that others listened to them. When they spoke it was with self-assurance. You say my “I Can” thinking had been turned into “I can’t” and it was time for a change.
These are the steps I took to achieve positive self talk and love.
1 – Begin Your Journey By Watching and Listening to Positive Self Talk Books and Videos
The first book I read was called “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of myself, and I needed to begin thinking more of myself. This very step changed my life. It was the first step to increasing personal development and my positive mental health.
If somebody was going to bring me out of my negative self talk, then it absolutely had to be me. Ever heard the old adage “God don’t make junk”? Not sure where I picked that up, but I believed it and knew it was the truth. The maker of the Universe made me in his likeness (So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27). That settled it for me. I absolutely had to stop the negative self talk and change my “I can’t” into a positive and self assured “I can” story!
This book was hands down the best book I’d ever read. I highlighted a lot of it, and underlined the rest. I studied it and took time to look at myself in a different way. There was no way I was leaving this life someday with a negative legacy and memory for others.
2 – Write Down Every Good, Positive and Unique Thing About YOU!
If you are like me in any way, you will have trouble with this. It is scary to start with a clean, blank sheet of paper with nothing on it and write positive things about yourself. After all, that would immediately be negative because you’d prove yourself wrong about yourself. Hmmmm….think about that for a moment!
I literally got so stuck on this one that I texted a couple of my friends and asked them what was positive, unique and good about me. I told them “I know this is a strange request, but could you tell me what you like about me.” This was out of the blue, so I told them I was trying to better myself and guess what happened? They thought that was a fabulous idea and started thinking about it as well!
I had inadvertently caused a change reaction of positive self talk in others! How fun is that? Seriously! That made me smile for days!
Do not skip this step as it is so important! Go out into nature if you there’s a park near you or a trail or something and spend time on this particular assignment.
3 – Guard Your Thoughts Because They Become Your Life
This is such an important key and primal truth! You just can’t even imagine what this will do for your inner strength.
This is not an easy task for you as it is a skill that you develop over time. Be aware of this and it will change your life dramatically. There are a lot of people in today’s world who have started writing down affirmations. Next, they tape them to their bathroom mirror and read them every morning to make sure they are developing these affirmations.
While this is good, it is not exactly the right approach. Many affirmations tend to remind you of your shortcomings instead of changing your thinking. It is interesting to note that if these affirmations are said in such a way that they are the opposite of what you really and truly believe yourself to be then they can backfire and instead of taking you from negative to positive they just remind you of the negative.
When I say guard your thoughts, what I mean is to not let negative self talk enter into your conversation with yourself.
An Example of How Negative Self Talk Affects Others
Here’s an example, my mama was the sweetest, kindest and most intelligent person I have ever met in my life. She was bright, smart, loving and kind but I would hear things come out of her mouth like “I’m so dumb!” Wait…what???? No way did I ever think that she thought that.
Can you see how this has no place in my life and can you see how this would make me also talk negatively about myself? That was doing no one any good…at all…especially her and me. In fact, she actually hurt me with this because I emulated her. I put my mother on a pedestal and wanted to be like her, which I am in many ways.
4 – Awareness Leads to Positive Self Talk
Download a journal app onto your cell phone and write down anything you say to yourself that is negative and positive self talk. Or, you can intentionally go to the store and buy a pocket notebook to carry with you if you prefer. This keeps you aware of what you say to yourself on a daily basis.
Go back through what you write and place a “P” next to positive self talk and an “N” next to the negative. Do this every evening. Make it part of your regular evening ritual. You can see how this keeps you aware of your thoughts. Its enlightening!
When you do this you visually see the outcome of your self talk. Eventually you won’t need to do it anymore, but until your “P”s far outweigh your “N”s keep doing this exercise.
5 – Reward Yourself for Positive Self Talk
Think of something you really want, but do not indulge in very often. Maybe this is a mini trip somewhere outside of your regular environment, or it could be an item you don’t purchase very often.
We don’t go out to dinner very often because we like to keep outings such as that special. Make a plan with friend to do a GNO (girls night out or guys night out) and share the reason. How much fun will that be, you can pay it forward! Or maybe you have been eyeing a new pair of boots that are way cool, go buy them!
Whatever your choice of indulgence, reward yourself. This makes it intentional. Being intentional is important to your success.
Consistency is Fundamental to Your Success
Set yourself up for success by keeping your journal near you. If you put it away in a drawer and among your many apps, you won’t notice it. Keep it in the fore-front of your life.
Because consistency is so vital you must have the journal and be consistent in keeping it in front of you. Place the journal app on your home screen or keep the pocket journal on your nightstand and pick it up in the morning. This will keep it in front of you and keep you consistent.
In no time you will start to see little things that are positive in your life and over time you will see your life changing for the better. Your mental health will improve, your steps will be lighter, and you will sleep better.
True happiness and positive mental health will be a result of these simple 5 steps to positive self talk.
Cheering for you! Write your comments below or send me a DM. I’d love to hear from you. myicanstory@myicanstory
If you loved this article, then go see this one and change your life: Today is the Day to Change Your Life
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation Psalms 42:5
For she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Matthew 9:21
And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. 1 Samuel 30:6
Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17