And Do You Complain More Than You Realize?
Complain! 5 Quick Ways to Deal with Annoying Complainers That Bring You Down
We all know people who complain. These are the ones you just don’t want to be around.
Who’s the biggest complainer at your work or at your home? Maybe the question could be asked of ourselves. Do you find yourself complaining a lot or do you think you don’t complain at all.
It might surprise you to learn that the average person complains 15-30 times per day.
Complain – You Mean I do That?
I remember a time once in college when I was living in the dorms near a couple of friends from high school. At one point I could tell something was going on because my friends were in each other’s rooms a lot and my roommate had joined them, but I wasn’t invited.
Finally, I was called to my friend’s room by the 3 of them and lo and behold they had a huge problem with me. Apparently I was being a Debbie-downer constantly! Who, me? No way! I am the most positive person there is, uh or so I thought.
At that point, I took a big long look at myself and some of the things I had been saying lately. They were so right! I was complaining not just a little, but a LOT, and I did not even realize it.
That day I realized that my friends really and truly loved me or they would never have said anything. I was down on myself and everyone else.
Reminders From Friends Are Important
I remember this incident from time to time, but instead of being angry at my friends which I was at first, I thank them for their loving care of me. I needed an intervention to be sure! It must have been bad or they wouldn’t have brought it to my attention in the way that they did.
There are times that I really get on a roll even today, but I have another friend who does something that I find interesting.
1 – To Complain is to Drive Away Others
Here is one very subtle way to deal with someone who tends to complain at you. Do not acknowledge the complaint in any way. My best friend will do this to me…especially when texting.
I’ll send a text that is a complaint, and I get literally no response. So hours later I look at my phone and realize she didn’t respond, so I read what I wrote and there it is! I complained about someone or something.
She’s trying to make me a better person because she is totally positive almost all the time. (We all can get down sometimes, so I say almost all the time.) It’s an unwritten rule between us not to respond to the complaint, but to respond to the person’s feelings in another way that is kind.
2 – Redirect the Conversation Away from the Complaint
Many complaints are valid, but the problem is we tend to focus on these way too much and that affects our mental health and positive mindset. You see when we focus on the negative then we drive away the positive!
When we focus on the negative we drive away the positive!
Katie Rue
Negative attracts negative. Have you ever been around a group of people that you can’t even believe they have friends because they are so negative? Yep, they have friends because they thrive on the negative. This only works for a while until the group implodes from the inside through all the negativity.
Not you! You are trying to do something positive with your life! You are reading articles such as this and trying to change. You are focused on the positive and need ways to deal with the person in your life who always seems to complain. You, my friend, are a positive influence in my life as well.
3 – Simply Walk Away
The first point here is to be aware that you being drug into a complaining mess with someone. Maybe they are complaining about a coworker and you didn’t even realize this other person was annoying that particular way. Bummer! Now you are aware of this and start to see it more.
That stinks because you may have really liked that person and now all you can do is focus on this negative aspect. Don’t let them do that to you. Simply walk away.
Know the truth, and know that you will not be a party to this negative aspect. You may think its rude to simply walk away while someone is talking, but you’re actually being kind by not starting something and by showing them that what they are saying is not something you are willing to discuss!
Your kindness shows when you walk away because they will stop and think about the reason you did this and figure it out. They will be more aware the next time, and they will have more friends because you showed them negative aspect of their personality! Way to go, friend!
4 – Break the Relationship
This may be something that can’t take place if you work side by side with them, but if it someone you hang around with then its time to be “busy with something else” when they call and want to go somewhere. You don’t need negative people in your life. You are trying to change your life and thrive!
It’s painful, but by simply distancing yourself from that person who complains, you are replacing the negativity in your mindset with positive, wholesome people.
5 – Tell Them They Complain A lot
This is what my friends in college did for me, and I say “for” me because at the time I didn’t realize what a huge favor they were doing for me. There are ways to bring this to their attention that are direct but gentle.
At first they won’t believe you, but if you’ve thought this all through, you love them and want to continue to be friends with them, then bring it to their attention and cite specific examples of times when they were complaining and it made you uncomfortable.
In the end if your relationship can’t survive a little constructive feedback, then it wasn’t that strong of a relationship anyway, but more than likely they will feel embarrassed and not even realize they were doing it! They will even thank you, apologize and try to be more cognizant. It will strengthen your relationship.
My Friends Are Still Around
Many years have passed since my college years and believe it or not, one of these particular friends and I have remained close. We live about an hour away from each other, but we still talk, text and meet “halfway” from time to time to keep the friendship going.
We end up talking for hours and we are very close. I love her dearly and pray for her a lot. She’s been single for many years now and can’t seem to find a guy strong enough to keep up with her. This can happen to professional women, but she rarely complains about this, she just keeps looking.
To this day I value her friendship and ask for advice from her because I know from those days many years ago back in college that she will tell me the truth. In fact, I share things with her that I have never shared with anyone and she doesn’t judge, she just listens.
The Importance of Being Honest
As you can see, being honest with that person who complains can really bring about a true friendship. Do you have any thoughts or ideas you would like to share? Which of these ways of dealing with annoying complainers attracts you the most? The direct approach is hard, but in the end less feeling are hurt over time, and it stops the buildup until you’re ready to explode.
Here’s another article on finding peace and tranquility, which does not include someone complaining a lot: Now Peace at Home and Domestic Tranquility
Good luck and God bless you.
Those who err in mind will know the truth, And those who criticize will accept instruction. Isaiah 29:24 Source: https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Complaining
your corpses will fall in this wilderness, even all your numbered men, according to your complete number from twenty years old and upward, who have grumbled against Me. Numbers 24:29
so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, Philippians 2:15
bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Colossians 3:13
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