When He Was Gone, I was So Lonely I Thought It Was Love
Loneliness is not love but it sure feels like it sometimes. Terra was dating this guy Mike whom she suddenly thought she was in love with. Turns out that wasn’t quite right.
Terra’s I can story is a lot like many single men and women’s. They jump from the frying pan into the fire because of their loneliness. This is true of men, too because I’ve seen it so many times.
Terra started dating Mike following the break up of her marriage. She had dated her husband in high school and married him when she was 19. After almost 9 years of marriage, she found herself all alone, and since she had always wanted to move to Denver, she did!
Moving to a New Town Can be Very Lonely
Once Terra moved to Denver, she ran into an old friend, Donna whom she didn’t know lived there. They started hanging out and going for drinks after work. Terra had been so lonely after moving there, so Donna was a nice distraction and someone to do things with.
Donna and Terra would play games such as darts and pool when they were out having drinks. They were very social and outgoing, and one day Mike walked in. Donna introduced Terra to Mike and after a few weeks they started dating regularly.
One day after they’d been dating about 4 months, Mike began showing his true colors. He was supposed to come to Terra’s apartment for dinner, but he didn’t show up. She texted and called him but she received no response at all and she was worried that something had happened to him.
Terra called Donna and Donna told her not to worry that was like him. Donna was surprised that this was the first time Mike had done this to her. She said that Mike gets in “these moods” and told Terra not to worry but Terra couldn’t help it. She had never been around someone who gets “in these moods” before.
Disappearing Acts — Is this something You are Tolerating?
The next day after work, Terra called Mike and he answered. She was so surprised and he acted like nothing had happened and that nothing was wrong. She asked him where he was last night, but he was vague in his response. He apologized and offered to buy her dinner to “make it up to her.”
Terra was so curious and so overwrought at this point that she went. They had a lovely dinner and all was forgiven. Mike was again kind and attentive, and Terra continued to fall for him….until a few weeks later it happened again.
Loneliness is Not Love — Everyone Has a Cell Phone on them These Days – Don’t Kid Yourself
Terra and Mike had huge plans to go to his friend’s engagement party and they’d been looking forward to it for weeks. They were meeting early around 4:00 to spend some time together, and then they were heading over at 6:00 that evening. 4:00 rolled around and no Mike and then 5:00 and then 6:00. Terra was horribly concerned. She knew how badly Mike wanted to attend this party.
By 7:00 p.m., Terra was really, really scared. She was certain that Mike had been in an accident and that he was lying dead on the side of the road somewhere, but then suddenly he walked in the door. Terra had worked herself up into a frenzy for more than 3 hours!
She fell on the floor crying and in almost hysteria because she had been so worried, so lonely, so completely overwrought. What was happening to her?
Loneliness is Not Love — But this was Different. This was Very Strange
Mike had discovered the way to control Terra. He just had to disappear for a while and get her all worked up so that she would be so relieved when she saw him that she would do anything he asked.
Terra had willingly put herself into a mental prison. She was tolerating Mike’s behavior because she was sure she was in love with him, and she remembered what it felt like to be alone and lonely. Having someone, even putting up with this kind of behavior was better than being alone. Right?? Well isn’t it? Right?
If you truly believe that, then you do not believe in yourself, and it’s time you took a good hard look at who you have become.
Do You Really Want to Spend Your Whole Life in a Mental Prison?
Tolerating Mike’s horrendous behavior, and fancying yourself in love this kind of man is just pure loneliness. Nobody would want to put up with this if they weren’t scared of being all alone. I get it. It is very, very tough to be alone, but it is not insurmountable.
Building Your Mental Infrastructure
There is a way to get past this and to let Mike go. You start by building your “mental infrastructure”. What does that mean? Merriam Webster defines “infrastructure” as the underlying foundation or basic framework. So, what you have to do is build your mental underlying foundation or basic framework.
Get out your calendar and schedule outings with friends and co-workers. Plan a trip to the library at the very least so that you are around people. Do you like to golf? Go golf then. Do you enjoy nature? Find good public trails near you, especially if you live in Denver, there are literally hundreds of great trails within an hour’s drive.
Get Out and Meet People – You’ll Fix Loneliness is Not Love By Meeting New Friends
Get out and meet people. Join a singles “Meetup” group and go on outings with them.
When you build your mental infrastructure and get your mind off of the the person who is treating you poorly, you will begin to see what all of the things are that you have been tolerating. You will build your mental strength and you will get yourself out of this mental prison.
Over time you will one day see that you weren’t actually in love with Mike, you were in love with having a relationship. We ALL want someone by our side. It is tough going it alone.
God never intended for us to be alone that is why in the Garden of Eden he put Adam into a deep sleep took one of his ribs and made Eve so that he would have someone special with which to spend his life with. Genesis 2:20-24
Loneliness Is Not Love But It Sure Can Feel Like It Sometimes
How can you see this for yourself? What are some of the activities you have come up with to bring about your own mental healthiness. Love is not loneliness is one way that people get themselves into mental health issues. Just stop and breath and feel then think and act to get yourself out of the loneliness.
Guard your thoughts and bring order to them, and you will begin to see that you were in chaos and that is not how you want to spend your life.
I’d rather go through 6 months of agony getting over someone than 50 years of it! Take courage and spend your 6 months and you will get very clear on what you do NOT want and even more clear on what you DO! Leave that bad relationship behind now!
Katie Rue – Myicanstory.com
Share Your Love Is Not Loneliness I Can Story
Share your My I Can Story of how you got over a bad relationship and figured out that Loneliness is not love.
Go here for another great post on myicanstory.com regarding a busted relationship: My Relationship is Busted, What now?
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? you are not your own; 1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14 NIV
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek, who seek your face, God of Jacob. Psalms 24:4-6 NIV
Try this daily free bit of inspiration from Darren Hardy: Darren Daily.
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